needshumility | 1.1.01.01.036: social obligation is the same everywhere.

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1.1.01.01.036: social obligation is the same everywhere.

My dear Lady,

It is with great regret that I must decline the very kind offer of marriage extended to me my father by yourself on behalf of your daughter. Whilst your daughter has numerous Virtues - her harpsichord and harp playing are beyond reproach, and she has some of the prettiest eyebrows in the land - I must confess that I do love another.

I understand that you and my father clearly stopped believing in love a long time ago, and perhaps it was the fact you were imprisoned in a tower as a child and he was found as a baby along side a sword to a kingdom that was not, at the time, his. Perhaps all these things have turned you into bitter, cynical, horrible people. We'll never know. But your daughter, Lady Petronilla, is girl of high standing, there is no doubt about that - but this is the only reason any sane man will marry her.

Maybe I'm sane. Maybe I'm crazy. But I don't love her. I'd rather commit acts of violence against myself with a blunt spoon than marry her. Maybe we could make this a feature of the wedding party; Mister Russett's spoon trick! I'll try not to make a mess in the chapel. Or on your lovely wooden floors.

So yes, my good Lady. I will not marry your daughter. I will refuse my father's request. I will have love.

Yours,

Prince Edward.

Dear Father,

I have tried to like this girl. I really have. I am aware of the many, many times you have told me she's exquisitely pretty, will produce fabulous heirs and is politically expedient. I also am very aware of the monetary negotiations between you and her mother.

But I do have to point out a very basic fact of the matter, father. She is cold, heartless, demanding, manipulative, and generally, cares about nobody but herself. I do not even think her dog loves her. It cowers in the corner, and the...

This is beside the point. I've found another girl I want to marry. And I'm going to do it. No matter what the cost.

Oh what's the point? it'll never work.

Weddings! Truly joyous occasions for all. I trust all decent citizens will be attending mine. I trust all indecent citizens will be staying away.

[Actual message to Petronilla]

I believe I have to come and try some new hose on.

Your daughter will be there, won't she?

[OPEN SPAM LATER - multiple me, if you like. One is reserved for Victor, though.]

[Eddie is running away. Into the woods. Half dressed in hose, and with a ripped shirt. He's a bit less skinny and a bit more Disney-Prince than usual. He jumped out of a window in an act of derring-do and is now on the run from his future mother-in-law and numerous other people. He has no idea where he's going, or how to survive without a manservant, and in any other circumstances, would die.

Unless someone magically appears to help him out...]

((ooc: Edward, for reference, is a visiting prince from a nearby poxy little tinpot kingdom, and is desperately trying to get out of his arranged marriage, 'cause he loves some cheery, lovely peasant girl. Feel free to assume you're invited/know anyone involved, etc. Go nuts. If you want in/have nothing to do with a variety of female characters for the purposes of plot, come bug me. Otherwise peasant girl/future wife etc will be assumed.

It's canon. But not as you know it.))

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[Victor was lying near the river under his bridge, waiting for a passerby. At the sound of someone coming he got up, stretched and put on his very best hiss.]

Who goes there?

[Edward was running across it and nearly jumped out of his skin. He didn't give his name, though. They might send him back.]

Aaaah! [He flailed across to the other side of the bridge,] I'm... Tom. Yes, Tom. What are you?

[Victor, sadly, was used to that kind of response. He took it as a chance to climb up onto the bridge, blocking Eddie's way.]

I am the guardian of this bridge. You must give me a gift to pass.

[Preferably food. Victor's collection of gold didn't exactly do him much good out in the middle of nowhere like this.]

[Edward flailed a little, and patted his pockets, like he might have a bit of food hidden in there.]

I am afraid I have nothing worth give....

[He paused, looked at his hand.] You may have my shirt, [ripped as it was] or my signet ring, if you wish? [He held up his hand and pointed at the ring on it.]

[Victor looked at the shirt, then at the ring. He didn't really want either. He had quite a few shirts and no where to wear them. The ring would just be more gold for his pile.]

Is that all? [Victor asked, sighing.] Most people bring food.

[Eddie frowned,] I'm really sorry. I left in such a rush... I didn't even tie my shoelaces.

[Those poor untied shoelaces.]

[Victor looked down at Eddie's shoes. They were very untied. But of quite a good make.]

You could give me your shoes.

How am I to run without my shoes?

I'm sure you will manage. [Victor shrugs.] Unless there is something else you'd like to offer?

Please, just take my ring. [He thrust it at him.] I need to keep running, I can't go back, they want me to... oh, you don't even know what they want me to do, [Edward was a little absorbed in his own problems and now completely ignoring the troll's plight. Because this is how Prince Edward rolls.] it's insane, it's stupid. They think one letter between my father and her mother means we're destined to marry and I just don't want to.

[Victor took the ring, looking closely at it. More gold. It was less than optimal. He just stared at Eddie, slightly dumbfounded by the story.]

Then where are you going?

[He shrugged,]

Just away! I can't stay here, that's all!

That seems like a poor plan. [But Victor steps to the side, still looking at the ring.] Go on, then.

What else am I supposed to do?

I do not know. What do I know of the outside world? [Victor sniffed, throwing the ring off the bridge in the general direction of his pile of gold. He didn't care if the river swept it away.]

I don't know, but you... you must know somewhere I can run to.

I only know this bridge. [Victor says in a dull voice.] But the merman says that you can follow this river to the sea.

...The sea, hm?

[That sounded promising. He stepped across the bridge to the other side.]

[Victor watches him go, face grim.]

Yes, as I say. You will probably like it.

[Eddie turned back,]

Are you really stuck there?

[Victor laughed, bitterly.]

No, I remain here for my own amusement. [It was clearly sarcastic.]

Don't be like that.

[Pause]

I could get you something. For your troubles.

[Victor looks very interested in that.]

Really? What could you get?

I don't know. But... if I reach the sea, if everything's alright... I could try and get something back to you. What do you want?

[Victor thinks about this for a second.]

I would like a shell. A large shell, that makes the sound of the sea.

I'll... I'll see what I can do.

[Victor nods, but doesn't quite believe it.] Thank you.

[Did someone say MAGICALLY APPEARS?

There's a little gold fairy suddenly sitting on a tree branch just ahead. She waves a tiny arm.]

And where are you off to in such a hurry?

Away! [He skidded slightly to a halt and did a double take.] Who are you?

[She swings her legs a bit on the branch, beaming.]

Who do you think I am?

[There's a sparkly sound and a sparkly sparkle and suddenly she's perched on his shoulder. She weighs about as much as a sparrow.]

Edited 2011-09-20 13:53 (UTC)

[He gave her a slightly raised eyebrow, and nearly jumped in surprise at her being there,] A fairy? What do you want?

The question is, what do you want?

[She smiles knowingly over at him, then takes flight once more to hover in front of his face. Her little translucent wings make a faint buzzing sound.]

Riches? Fame? Power?

Love, freedom.

[He smiled at the fairy hopefully.]

But surely nobody can deliver those.

[She buzzes happily in a circle around his head. Correct answer!]

Ah, but I can grant all manner of wishes to the worthy!

And how do you decide what is worthy?

The ones that value Love over power, and Freedom over weatlth!

[She taps him on the nose with her wand. IT FEELS SPARKLY.]

[He grinned a little. That was definitely him.]

But... how do I get it?

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1.1.01.01.036: social obligation is the same everywhere.

[OH HEY GUESS WHOSE BRIDGE YOU'RE CROSSING.]

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WANT A FAIRY GODMOTHER? if not, just regular fairy

YES. DO THIS.

AAAAWWW YEEEAHHH

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