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needshumilityYou know, ever since that port, I've been thinking about Violet.
She's my fiancee. She's pregnant. I hate her. I don't even feel slightly guilty for consistently cheating on her whilst here with Jane. Because I love Jane. Not because of her nose - that's for people like Tommo. But because she gave me something nobody else could at home - the truth. Which is a very, very valuable thing. In a world where everyone is stupid as a matter of course, which I realised myself in a Chromogencia meeting, and even more so since being here. We're educated, by Rule, 'until we're sixteen, or know everything there is to know, whichever comes first'. Our most clear answer to any question is just 'I don't know'.
So I'm cheating on her. I just don't care. It won't last when I get home. I am forbidden to even associate with Jane when I get home. This, right here, is all I get, before I give my life to a woman I hate.
Violet. She's Purple. Her father is Head Prefect. But her family is quickly heading towards Blue. They needed a high perceiving Red to bring them back. As soon as she knew I was over 75%, she forced me against a wall and kissed me. Soon enough, her father and mine had come to an arrangement. A very expensive arrangement, but that's how the marriage market goes, right?
Her being pregnant was part of the deal, because, well, I was going on a dangerous mission the next morning and might turn up dead. It happens. Especially at High Saffron. They paint the walls with Greed there. That's the colour which causes the Mildew. It's nothing but dust and bones in places. The first thing I knew about the pregnancy half of the deal was when she turned up naked in my bedroom. They'd paid my dad extra for that.
Security, I suppose.
Never the less, I proposed to Jane. In High Saffron. My dad would have let it happen. He promised me, if I loved someone, I could marry them.
The Rules won't. She was 'discovered' to be a Green in her Ishihara - that's a colour perception test - and we were complimentary colours. I couldn't talk to her. Let alone marry her. I am in no doubt Violet's father bribed the Colourman. (Incidentally, I can run circles around the Colourman sometimes - and there's very few people here who remind me of him. Una's inmate, mostly.)
I almost don't want to go home. So I can keep doing youknow with Jane, so I don't have to marry someone I was sold to.
But that would be selfish. I have a greater service to the collective.
That is the sacrifice I will make for it. Having the woman I love.
Don't take it for granted. Never, ever take it for granted. Because not all of us have the freedom to love as we want.
All those things you can have, without thinking twice - books, love, science, the ability to see colour, the freedoms you have, the ability to trust without doubting it - some of us think are amazing. Some of us would be in absolute awe of. Are in absolute awe of.
And then it's so very disappointing when you don't entirely realise how precious that is.
She's my fiancee. She's pregnant. I hate her. I don't even feel slightly guilty for consistently cheating on her whilst here with Jane. Because I love Jane. Not because of her nose - that's for people like Tommo. But because she gave me something nobody else could at home - the truth. Which is a very, very valuable thing. In a world where everyone is stupid as a matter of course, which I realised myself in a Chromogencia meeting, and even more so since being here. We're educated, by Rule, 'until we're sixteen, or know everything there is to know, whichever comes first'. Our most clear answer to any question is just 'I don't know'.
So I'm cheating on her. I just don't care. It won't last when I get home. I am forbidden to even associate with Jane when I get home. This, right here, is all I get, before I give my life to a woman I hate.
Violet. She's Purple. Her father is Head Prefect. But her family is quickly heading towards Blue. They needed a high perceiving Red to bring them back. As soon as she knew I was over 75%, she forced me against a wall and kissed me. Soon enough, her father and mine had come to an arrangement. A very expensive arrangement, but that's how the marriage market goes, right?
Her being pregnant was part of the deal, because, well, I was going on a dangerous mission the next morning and might turn up dead. It happens. Especially at High Saffron. They paint the walls with Greed there. That's the colour which causes the Mildew. It's nothing but dust and bones in places. The first thing I knew about the pregnancy half of the deal was when she turned up naked in my bedroom. They'd paid my dad extra for that.
Security, I suppose.
Never the less, I proposed to Jane. In High Saffron. My dad would have let it happen. He promised me, if I loved someone, I could marry them.
The Rules won't. She was 'discovered' to be a Green in her Ishihara - that's a colour perception test - and we were complimentary colours. I couldn't talk to her. Let alone marry her. I am in no doubt Violet's father bribed the Colourman. (Incidentally, I can run circles around the Colourman sometimes - and there's very few people here who remind me of him. Una's inmate, mostly.)
I almost don't want to go home. So I can keep doing youknow with Jane, so I don't have to marry someone I was sold to.
But that would be selfish. I have a greater service to the collective.
That is the sacrifice I will make for it. Having the woman I love.
Don't take it for granted. Never, ever take it for granted. Because not all of us have the freedom to love as we want.
All those things you can have, without thinking twice - books, love, science, the ability to see colour, the freedoms you have, the ability to trust without doubting it - some of us think are amazing. Some of us would be in absolute awe of. Are in absolute awe of.
And then it's so very disappointing when you don't entirely realise how precious that is.
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Re: Private
Date: 2011-09-27 04:33 pm (UTC)Re: Private
Date: 2011-09-27 04:37 pm (UTC)And it hurts, Jane. Because when... when I... when she and I, youknow, all I could think about was how I was betraying you. And I'll think it even more once I'm home, once we're married. I'll feel awful for it.
And the Plan is worth it, it is, but... I don't want to betray you.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 04:49 pm (UTC)Private
Perhaps we should meet for dinner sometime, the three of us. In my world I was a revolutionary as well. Of course, the political climate is very different there, but I still think there are things we can learn from each other.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 04:52 pm (UTC)[Private]
I would have to discuss it with her, but I know we both try and gain as much... experience from the Previous as possible. I'm sure she wouldn't object.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 04:59 pm (UTC)[Private]
Of course. Take as much time as you need. It's not as if any of us are going anywhere.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 05:12 pm (UTC)[Private]
Quite true. Except I think my inmate might graduate soon, but that's a complicated matter, and I need to talk to him but maybe now isn't a good time.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 05:19 pm (UTC)[Private]
No, now perhaps might not be the best time. A few days isn't very long to wait, though.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 05:23 pm (UTC)[Private]
No, I'm sure we'll have it worked out by then.
I'll get back to you, Mister...?
no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 05:32 pm (UTC)Achilles de Flandres. And you're Eddie Russett. It's been a pleasure to meet you.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 06:12 pm (UTC)Am I that well known?
no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 06:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 06:36 pm (UTC)She's only pregnant because they thought I'd die. Nobody cares who the father is, just that it can see Red.
I'm not taking it out on it - I won't. But it will always be a de Mauve. That's all she'll ever want it to be. That's the only tauping purpose I have in her damn life.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 06:51 pm (UTC)The child will care who its father is, believe me.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 07:48 pm (UTC)My father, George, isn't my father. Him and my mother married for love - and used the Rainbow Room to make sure their child had a high perception of Red. But he's the only father I have.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 07:58 pm (UTC)I'll never know who my father was.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 08:05 pm (UTC)Me neither.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 09:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 09:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 09:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 09:10 pm (UTC)But he's the other Eddie. There's Edward Sexby too, and he's Jane's inmate, but I don't think he'd like Eddie.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 10:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 10:02 pm (UTC)Re: Private
Date: 2011-09-27 11:10 pm (UTC)I want it to not have happened.
Re: Private
Date: 2011-09-27 11:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 11:15 pm (UTC)