You were used towards so many's own ends, to our selfish whims and wishes, even in the pretence of something greater, even in the pretence of submission to a greater will, you were used. Your generosity and optimism would be your weakness, what brought you down upon the rocks of men who had nothing but self-resentment to exercise upon you. Exploitation, perhaps. You gave trust a chance with the wrong people, but never stopped trying.
That isn't the admirable thing. Everyone could see that you were relentlessly nice, relentlessly hopeful. Very few really saw how much repression, how much self-discipline that took, or why you must do it. I didn't know why until it struck, all at once. I was probably one of those things you repressed, I don't doubt it, and one of those things which pushed you towards a crumbling edge. Your attachments, again, were your downfall, but in an entirely different manner. You cannot be hurt by the words of someone whose words are worthless to you.
[THERE IS ANOTHER CARD STUCK TO THE BOTTOM OF THE FIRST]
But in the end, you had immense power. At your very fingertips. You could re-write memory. You could damn us all to... wherever this ship may sink. To be broken upon the waves of the universe. But the power had power over you, you were a slave to it as much as it followed your command. Yet, you still rejected it. You still submitted and surrendered individual power - power which could have made you a God. Power which was nothing but an illusion, an enslavement of it own devising.
You always had potential, Svetlana, but as long as I bear my failure to you, I am relieved for it. It's the lies you tell yourself that crush you.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2011-10-06 01:00 pm (UTC)You were used towards so many's own ends, to our selfish whims and wishes, even in the pretence of something greater, even in the pretence of submission to a greater will, you were used. Your generosity and optimism would be your weakness, what brought you down upon the rocks of men who had nothing but self-resentment to exercise upon you. Exploitation, perhaps. You gave trust a chance with the wrong people, but never stopped trying.
That isn't the admirable thing. Everyone could see that you were relentlessly nice, relentlessly hopeful. Very few really saw how much repression, how much self-discipline that took, or why you must do it. I didn't know why until it struck, all at once. I was probably one of those things you repressed, I don't doubt it, and one of those things which pushed you towards a crumbling edge. Your attachments, again, were your downfall, but in an entirely different manner. You cannot be hurt by the words of someone whose words are worthless to you.
[THERE IS ANOTHER CARD STUCK TO THE BOTTOM OF THE FIRST]
But in the end, you had immense power. At your very fingertips. You could re-write memory. You could damn us all to... wherever this ship may sink. To be broken upon the waves of the universe. But the power had power over you, you were a slave to it as much as it followed your command. Yet, you still rejected it. You still submitted and surrendered individual power - power which could have made you a God. Power which was nothing but an illusion, an enslavement of it own devising.
You always had potential, Svetlana, but as long as I bear my failure to you, I am relieved for it. It's the lies you tell yourself that crush you.