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needshumilityYou know, ever since that port, I've been thinking about Violet.
She's my fiancee. She's pregnant. I hate her. I don't even feel slightly guilty for consistently cheating on her whilst here with Jane. Because I love Jane. Not because of her nose - that's for people like Tommo. But because she gave me something nobody else could at home - the truth. Which is a very, very valuable thing. In a world where everyone is stupid as a matter of course, which I realised myself in a Chromogencia meeting, and even more so since being here. We're educated, by Rule, 'until we're sixteen, or know everything there is to know, whichever comes first'. Our most clear answer to any question is just 'I don't know'.
So I'm cheating on her. I just don't care. It won't last when I get home. I am forbidden to even associate with Jane when I get home. This, right here, is all I get, before I give my life to a woman I hate.
Violet. She's Purple. Her father is Head Prefect. But her family is quickly heading towards Blue. They needed a high perceiving Red to bring them back. As soon as she knew I was over 75%, she forced me against a wall and kissed me. Soon enough, her father and mine had come to an arrangement. A very expensive arrangement, but that's how the marriage market goes, right?
Her being pregnant was part of the deal, because, well, I was going on a dangerous mission the next morning and might turn up dead. It happens. Especially at High Saffron. They paint the walls with Greed there. That's the colour which causes the Mildew. It's nothing but dust and bones in places. The first thing I knew about the pregnancy half of the deal was when she turned up naked in my bedroom. They'd paid my dad extra for that.
Security, I suppose.
Never the less, I proposed to Jane. In High Saffron. My dad would have let it happen. He promised me, if I loved someone, I could marry them.
The Rules won't. She was 'discovered' to be a Green in her Ishihara - that's a colour perception test - and we were complimentary colours. I couldn't talk to her. Let alone marry her. I am in no doubt Violet's father bribed the Colourman. (Incidentally, I can run circles around the Colourman sometimes - and there's very few people here who remind me of him. Una's inmate, mostly.)
I almost don't want to go home. So I can keep doing youknow with Jane, so I don't have to marry someone I was sold to.
But that would be selfish. I have a greater service to the collective.
That is the sacrifice I will make for it. Having the woman I love.
Don't take it for granted. Never, ever take it for granted. Because not all of us have the freedom to love as we want.
All those things you can have, without thinking twice - books, love, science, the ability to see colour, the freedoms you have, the ability to trust without doubting it - some of us think are amazing. Some of us would be in absolute awe of. Are in absolute awe of.
And then it's so very disappointing when you don't entirely realise how precious that is.
She's my fiancee. She's pregnant. I hate her. I don't even feel slightly guilty for consistently cheating on her whilst here with Jane. Because I love Jane. Not because of her nose - that's for people like Tommo. But because she gave me something nobody else could at home - the truth. Which is a very, very valuable thing. In a world where everyone is stupid as a matter of course, which I realised myself in a Chromogencia meeting, and even more so since being here. We're educated, by Rule, 'until we're sixteen, or know everything there is to know, whichever comes first'. Our most clear answer to any question is just 'I don't know'.
So I'm cheating on her. I just don't care. It won't last when I get home. I am forbidden to even associate with Jane when I get home. This, right here, is all I get, before I give my life to a woman I hate.
Violet. She's Purple. Her father is Head Prefect. But her family is quickly heading towards Blue. They needed a high perceiving Red to bring them back. As soon as she knew I was over 75%, she forced me against a wall and kissed me. Soon enough, her father and mine had come to an arrangement. A very expensive arrangement, but that's how the marriage market goes, right?
Her being pregnant was part of the deal, because, well, I was going on a dangerous mission the next morning and might turn up dead. It happens. Especially at High Saffron. They paint the walls with Greed there. That's the colour which causes the Mildew. It's nothing but dust and bones in places. The first thing I knew about the pregnancy half of the deal was when she turned up naked in my bedroom. They'd paid my dad extra for that.
Security, I suppose.
Never the less, I proposed to Jane. In High Saffron. My dad would have let it happen. He promised me, if I loved someone, I could marry them.
The Rules won't. She was 'discovered' to be a Green in her Ishihara - that's a colour perception test - and we were complimentary colours. I couldn't talk to her. Let alone marry her. I am in no doubt Violet's father bribed the Colourman. (Incidentally, I can run circles around the Colourman sometimes - and there's very few people here who remind me of him. Una's inmate, mostly.)
I almost don't want to go home. So I can keep doing youknow with Jane, so I don't have to marry someone I was sold to.
But that would be selfish. I have a greater service to the collective.
That is the sacrifice I will make for it. Having the woman I love.
Don't take it for granted. Never, ever take it for granted. Because not all of us have the freedom to love as we want.
All those things you can have, without thinking twice - books, love, science, the ability to see colour, the freedoms you have, the ability to trust without doubting it - some of us think are amazing. Some of us would be in absolute awe of. Are in absolute awe of.
And then it's so very disappointing when you don't entirely realise how precious that is.
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no subject
Date: 2011-09-26 10:45 pm (UTC)Why wouldn't I?
no subject
Date: 2011-09-26 10:50 pm (UTC)Dammit, Eddie.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-26 10:52 pm (UTC)It doesn't seem unusual.
And... I said I loved you, what's wrong with it?
no subject
Date: 2011-09-26 11:00 pm (UTC)You shouldn't have told everyone that!
no subject
Date: 2011-09-26 11:01 pm (UTC)Why not? It's true.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-26 11:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-26 11:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-26 11:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-26 11:13 pm (UTC)Nobody can demerit us here, why are you so worried?
no subject
Date: 2011-09-26 11:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-26 11:16 pm (UTC)and there's no need for that language.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-26 11:18 pm (UTC)And don't you start telling me what to do. I'll use whatever language I want because it's 'what's on my mind,' Red.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-26 11:22 pm (UTC)There's no need to get snippy, either.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-26 11:32 pm (UTC)There's always a need to get snippy. Drop it.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 05:24 am (UTC)And it's one of the things I admire about you, but I don't know what I've done wrong.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 10:39 am (UTC)We'll talk later.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 12:45 pm (UTC)I don't understand why you're angry.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 02:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 02:23 pm (UTC)[Private
I got the Rulebook out, you know. Tried to write loopholes to fix it. Then tried to find enough to discredit the Colourman.
But you told me to stop, so I did.
Private
Date: 2011-09-27 03:03 pm (UTC)Re: Private
Date: 2011-09-27 03:37 pm (UTC)Re: Private
Date: 2011-09-27 04:33 pm (UTC)Re: Private
Date: 2011-09-27 04:37 pm (UTC)And it hurts, Jane. Because when... when I... when she and I, youknow, all I could think about was how I was betraying you. And I'll think it even more once I'm home, once we're married. I'll feel awful for it.
And the Plan is worth it, it is, but... I don't want to betray you.
Re: Private
Date: 2011-09-27 11:10 pm (UTC)I want it to not have happened.
Re: Private
Date: 2011-09-27 11:15 pm (UTC)