1.1.01.01.016: The Ishihara test is final and cannot be reviewed, nor retaken

[needshumility]

If the only way you could have total freedom within a society is to be literally invisible to that society, would you consider it worth it? If it took to technically not exist to be able to live by your own rules, would you want that?

Or would it be too lonely? Is there any point in that freedom when you can't share it with anyone, and you're left as an observer to a society where nobody else had any freedom at all?

[Wardens-Eddie-likes filter (doctors, Howie and other officious types excluded. George is in, though)]

There's... some concepts I'm not entirely sure of the meaning of, and after talking to my inmate, I think it's quite important to understand them.

God, and the afterlife.

I've talked to a few people, and no offence, they seem to have done their best to explain it, but it seems a little fuzzy still.

Is god a physical person? If so, why is he a god above everyone else? If not, why do people call themselves goddesses here? What's the difference between people who say there's one god, and those who say there's lots, responsible for different things? Which one's right?

Are both right? Are none right?

Is the afterlife just... something the Previous think happens after death, or is it something specific? Why would someone say this place wasn't the afterlife... when it's clearly, um, after life? For the dead people, anyway.

[Private, seperately, to Sveta and Martha - video]

[Eddie comes on screen.] Hi. I found something and... I thought you might be able to tell me what it was about.

[He holds up a copy of a Ishihara test]

We found this in the library, and me and Jane can see different things in it. Why might that be? What's the purpose of this?

[Kitchen filter]

Could you spare me a piece of meat, by any chance? You probably won't get it back.

[Lab staff-folks]

My inmate wants to do an experiment, and if I'm supervising and he wants to come in to do something, is that alright? He's not doing anything dangerous, and I'll make sure nothing's taken.

[Private to Victor.]

I've asked for some meat, for that experiment you wanted to do. You can have the day off from work to do it, so pick whenever suits you.

Comments

Private

[takeyouapart.livejournal.com]

I should explain properly. In my world, where I live, sorcery - I mean, magic - it's outlawed. People with magic, like me, are put to death by the King, and it's been going on for so long that there aren't many of us left. Almost everyone who wants to survive and actually use their magic, they have to live where nobody can see them. Where nobody can find them. I know it's not literally being invisible but it's definitely true that they officially don't exist.

I chose not to do that. I...I live practically under the King's nose, and I'm manservant to his son.

Re: Private

[needshumility.livejournal.com]

I think that's... more like what I mean, actually.

So you hide who you are for the sake of being part of a society?

[pause]

I'm not judging you. I'm not sure which I'd choose.

Private

[takeyouapart.livejournal.com]

It's partly that. But there's something....bigger as well, though.

This is the way I see it in my situation. Because magic's been outlawed, the only time people really see sorcerers any more is when they're attacking Camelot or trying to kill the king. But when his son becomes king, then he needs to know that I have been by his side for all that time, using magic to protect him, even if I've had to do it in secret and risk my neck for it every time. He has to know that there isn't anything evil at heart about everyone with magic, that it can be used for great good.

So I suppose that I'm hiding who I am for the sake of changing society in the future. Not just being a part of it now.

Re: Private

[needshumility.livejournal.com]

So you're aiming to change society from within, rather than just call it unjust, give up on it and work from the outside alone?

I can appreciate that, and appreciate that it's something rather large to admit to someone who I don't think you've talked to before.

What do you think of the people on the outside, though? The others who don't do it in secret, but isolate themselves?

Re: Private

[takeyouapart.livejournal.com]

Thank you. It's...different here. Things that were a matter of life and death back home, I can talk about freely on the Barge. Or, I've learnt that it's all right to talk about them since I first arrived. It's quite liberating, actually.

I think...it depends. Circumstances arranged themselves for me in a way that made it easy for me to get into the situation I'm in now, or, the situation I'm in at home. But it's not that way for most people and if they decide to just walk away and live outside of everyone else's society then I respect their choice. It's a lot safer.

But people who attack Camelot, who cause pain and suffering just to make themselves heard...I can't accept that. 'You were wrong to hurt and kill our people, so we're going to hurt and kill your people until you realise that.' I don't know what they think it's going to accomplish.

Re: Private

[needshumility.livejournal.com]

[long pause.] It is very different here, and certainly liberating. Are there people here who can use their magic without... hiding who they are at home?

But if they're attacking Camelot in an effort to change it, is that alright? Not as revenge, but as an effort to perhaps get rid of the people in power and do something different...

Or don't people do that where you're from? I thought the Previous were big on that kind of thing.

Private

[takeyouapart.livejournal.com]

There must be. But I've never done a survey or anything.

[Long pause. People who try to kill Uther are generally douchebags so he's never had to give this scenario a huge amount of thought.]

If the King was killed - and he would have to be killed, it's the only way you could really 'get rid' of him - if he was killed, and the people who killed him wanted to replace him with a ruler who would let sorcerers live peacefully with everyone else? I don't know whether that's alright or not, but I just don't think it would work. Even if it was done with good intentions, the people would only see Camelot being conquered. There would be unrest, and...it might end up with one kind of tyranny being replaced by another. You can't behead a kingdom and expect what happens next to happen peacefully.

Re: Private

[needshumility.livejournal.com]

But just because it's unworkable, does it make it wrong to try? [no, really, he's trying to work this out.]

What if you can't change it from the inside? What if you just end up being part of the... system you wanted to change?

Private

[takeyouapart.livejournal.com]

I don't know that I can answer that. I'm always going to be outside the system for as long as I have magic. I'm never going to be able to forget that I'm different, or stop caring about it. So...I don't think I'm a very good example.

[...]

I think it's wrong to try if you haven't exhausted every other option.

I...

[Muuuuch longer pause, because now we're veering into Stuff Merlin's Never Admitted To Anybody territory and in a weird way it actually makes it easier that he isn't 100% sure what Eddie's name is.]

I know that I won't get a chance to change things until the king dies. And I know it might be old age that takes him, so I might be waiting for years, and more people will die while I'm waiting for my chance. All I can do is believe that what I'm doing is right, and that fewer people will be hurt this way than by any other. But I can't know for sure, and...that's the price you pay for wanting to change things. The not knowing, the...the doubt.

Re: Private

[needshumility.livejournal.com]

Is there no way you can protect people from... well, not within the system, but closer to it, whilst you're waiting for his moment?

[pause]

I know the doubt myself. That's why I'm asking. I...

Thank you for telling me that.

Re: Private

[takeyouapart.livejournal.com]

Yes. I mean - I have. I do. But I know I can't protect everyone who needs it.

...

I'm sorry you have to make a choice at all.

And, erm. My name's Merlin. I usually do introductions before baring my soul, but it looks like that wasn't happening today.

Re: Private

[needshumility.livejournal.com]

I was hoping you tried, and generally thought you would.

I think I've already made it, to be honest.

Eddie Russett, by the way, and I think I asked the sort of question that ends in names last and soul bearing first.

Re: Private

[takeyouapart.livejournal.com]

Heh.

Then I hope we've both made the right decision for our worlds.

Can...I ask what the situation is, where you've come from?

Re: Private

[needshumility.livejournal.com]

It's... a little different, and don't spread this around.

My original question was about people and things we call Apocrypha. The Rules and our society can't explain them, or come up with a reason for them existing, so we have to ignore them. We had an Apocryphal Man as a lodger, but we couldn't talk to him, or even acknowledge we had a lodger. He could walk in and take our food and we couldn't do anything, because he didn't exist. He could turn up to Chromogencia meetings and say everything he knew - and he knew so much - but could only be heard if a slightly crazy old lady repeated what he'd said to everyone else.

But, also, a friend of mine... sometimes snuck off to live in an abandoned town nearby. In an empty house. There, she could keep Leapbacked items, and do what she wanted - but nobody could know she was there. Then she came back to work and be part of society in the day.

They were only free because they were alone. The Apocryphal Man knew so much, but had to prove to me he wasn't invisible by leaving something on my bed. He could observe, but never act, unless someone was prepared to break the Rules and acknowledge him like I did.

I... I'm part of the system now, I suppose. I'm a Prefect, I'll be Head Prefect soon, and I'm going to try and join National Colour. I can't really make myself invisible. So I have to act under their noses, really.

[pause]

Please, don't mention I told you this.

Re: Private

[takeyouapart.livejournal.com]

I won't tell anybody, I promise you that.

Re: Private

[needshumility.livejournal.com]

Thank you.