needshumility: (in cold oxblood)
If anyone has been in a coma recently, and hasn't received a questionnaire from me, let me know, and I can bring you one. I'm... starting to get some decent theories from the replies I've got so far.

Also, Question Club time, I think. Is there anything about this place which anyone would like answering, or looking into? What are... the questions which bother you the most, I suppose.

I probably can't answer, and I don't have the time to look into them all, but someone else might be able to do one or the other.

Far better than when a Blue Prefect is poking around the place.

[Private to Victor]

You can come to my room tonight and we'll go through your last post.

I'd like you to come up with your best predictions of who is who.

[Infirmary filter]

I'd like to take responsibility for the inventory. Sveta's already said it's okay with her. Does anyone else have any objections?

[Private to Rex]

This might sound... a little odd, especially coming from me.

I was wondering what the original intent was behind your nanomites science... if that's what you call it was? I've heard a lot about it, but I'd like to get my information from, um, the source. If possible.

((ooc: Also, this week's morse-code-on-the-pipes book is Alice in Wonderland. Thanks to Hayley.))
needshumility: (oops)
[Filtered away from Victor]

To make you all aware, for the next few days, my inmate will not be able to see who he is talking to. So please don't get angry if he doesn't recognise you - it's deliberate.

I, on the other hand, will be able to see who everyone is. If you abuse him, or treat him badly, just because you think he can't tell who you are - I will know, and I will step in. It won't be tolerated.

[sigh]

I'd also appreciate it if you didn't all automatically identify yourselves, as it kind of removes the point.

[Warden filter]

Alright, I know there's a flood on and if anyone's not themselves and knows it... wait to respond?

I need your cooperation, on quite a massive scale, to be perfectly honest, and I need to explain what's going on:

I'm going to be restricting my inmate's journal access, probably tomorrow, but in an unusual (apparently) way.

I want to restrict him to text and make all replies to him anonymous (am I using that right?). It has a purpose, I swear.

The problem is that I imagine some people will take advantage of this to insult him. I will be watching these conversations constantly, and I will be able to see who is who.

But I'd appreciate it if you could discourage your inmates from, um, [there is no word for 'trolling' in his vocabulary] antagonising him just because they're anonymous. It's not really an opportunity for everyone to come in and say what they really think of him - but for him to talk to people without his prejudices am I using that right getting in the way.

I hope this works.

[Private to Sarah]

I'm especially worried about your inmate.

[Private to Victor]

Victor, as of tomorrow, I'm placing a new restriction on your communications. Only for a few days, maybe even one day.

This might seem harsh, but it serves a purpose, and is not a punishment. It has never been a punishment.

I'm going to make it so you can't see who's responding to you, and you will receive everything as text. I will not allow for people to abuse you, don't worry about that, I'll be able to see who's who and keep track of it.

[Private to the Admiral]

As of tomorrow, can you please make it so my inmate can only receive text - all other posts should be transcripted for him. Can you also make it so he can't see who is replying to him, but I can? Also, he should always be able to see me and talk to me, in any medium.

Make this last for tomorrow and Thursday. I... might ask for less, or maybe more time, it depends.
needshumility: (go on)
I suppose I must say some words on my inmate, and his... experiment.

First of all, I did give him permission. It was something he expressed an interest in doing, I intended to be there to ensure nobody got hurt.

Any damage caused to communal property will be rectified. He will be taking responsibility for what his experiment has caused in cleaning and repairing anything that is required.

Any further questions can be directed towards myself.

[Filtered away from Victor]

If anyone has any... conversational difficulties with my inmate, I would like to know. If he is rude, makes presumptions, treats you worse than others - anything like that, I would like to talk with you briefly.

[Private to Una]

I don't suppose... Well, Jane trusts you.

How can I limit my inmate's communications? What are my options?

[Private to Victor]

I'm bringing you some bleach from the cleaning cupboard. That machine will be usable by the time we're done. Then we will have a cup of tea and talk over your list, I think.

[Private to Jane]

I'm having a very long day. [pause. get some nerve.]

Can we make scones again?
needshumility: (cold)
What in the beige...

[Eddie's just a little overwhelmed here.]

You can read about something, but it hardly prepares you for...

Victor, we're going looking for some Leapbacks. It'll be fun.

[Private to Jane]

This place is still swarming with the Previous. They had places like this, and we live in East Carmine?

Not that I don't love East Carmine, but why would you Leapback any of this and... we've gone a long way backwards, haven't we?

If our inmates are alright, we should go and have a cream tea somewhere. If you want. Someone else can make the scones.
needshumility: (funny)
I would... uh, like to try some of these drinks in the pub. I've never... smelled anything like this before, let alone seen.

Does anyone have any recommendations? Or... warnings.

[Private to Victor]

If you've got the lists, I can get your meat.

[Warden filter]

How many of you have, at home, positions of authority?

[pause] No, I worded that wrong. Let me specify.

By authority, I mean the ability to make judgements on people - pass punishments or rewards. Not authority like a Yell... uh, policeman, but more like a Prefect. I don't really know what your equivalent is, sorry.

Does anyone's inmate have a similar position of authority at home? [big pause] Can anyone tell me if they're here for abusing that authority?

[Private to Jane]

...God is like Munsell.

Are we agreed on this, because it's the best thing I can think of to describe it? Bertie had a very good analogy with the spoons.

I still don't understand the afterlife.

On another note: They knew what an Ishihara was, but I think it might just be for doctors to know. I also have a plan.
needshumility: (where's my red carpet?)
If the only way you could have total freedom within a society is to be literally invisible to that society, would you consider it worth it? If it took to technically not exist to be able to live by your own rules, would you want that?

Or would it be too lonely? Is there any point in that freedom when you can't share it with anyone, and you're left as an observer to a society where nobody else had any freedom at all?

[Wardens-Eddie-likes filter (doctors, Howie and other officious types excluded. George is in, though)]

There's... some concepts I'm not entirely sure of the meaning of, and after talking to my inmate, I think it's quite important to understand them.

God, and the afterlife.

I've talked to a few people, and no offence, they seem to have done their best to explain it, but it seems a little fuzzy still.

Is god a physical person? If so, why is he a god above everyone else? If not, why do people call themselves goddesses here? What's the difference between people who say there's one god, and those who say there's lots, responsible for different things? Which one's right?

Are both right? Are none right?

Is the afterlife just... something the Previous think happens after death, or is it something specific? Why would someone say this place wasn't the afterlife... when it's clearly, um, after life? For the dead people, anyway.

[Private, seperately, to Sveta and Martha - video]

[Eddie comes on screen.] Hi. I found something and... I thought you might be able to tell me what it was about.

[He holds up a copy of a Ishihara test]

We found this in the library, and me and Jane can see different things in it. Why might that be? What's the purpose of this?

[Kitchen filter]

Could you spare me a piece of meat, by any chance? You probably won't get it back.

[Lab staff-folks]

My inmate wants to do an experiment, and if I'm supervising and he wants to come in to do something, is that alright? He's not doing anything dangerous, and I'll make sure nothing's taken.

[Private to Victor.]

I've asked for some meat, for that experiment you wanted to do. You can have the day off from work to do it, so pick whenever suits you.
needshumility: (in cold oxblood)
[Private to Jane]

Jane. Jane, I found something in my valise.

I think you should see it. It says we can get out of here using it, with the paints and everything.

It might be a trick, but it's worth lookin... [There's the sound of paper crinkling as he opens the envelope. Then deafening silence.

Five minutes of deafening silence. Eddie then adds, in a very, very small voice.]

It's a trick.

It's a trick. Oh...


[he clicks off.]
needshumility: (sheepish)
[Eddie's on camera. He's grinning. This isn't meant to be public, but it isn't. He's on deck, so you can see the stars behind his head, and a greenhouse in one corner.]

Jane! Jane! JANE! [he's raised his voice. Oh no. The camera turns to some flowers - all the colours are overly bright, and quite obviously artificial, to anyone with normal sight. They're incredibly vivid, and might give you a headache if you look too long, but this doesn't seem to bother Eddie too much.]

We got a garden! [He pans across a small few beds of flowers, all in variants of vivid colours - even the leaves are a slightly unnatural green]

Brilliant. I could kiss someone.

[pause, and he realises this is public, so thinks he ought to say something.]

Um. Nobody pick our flowers. They're... there for public enjoyment.
needshumility: (red red wine)
I'd like to remind you all to fill in my questionnaire. It's a vitally important process in working out if there's anything we can do about the comas.

If, by any chance, someone hasn't received one, just come by my room, or tell me. I had such a big pile, it's quite possible I thought I'd given you one and I hadn't. [phew.]

I do never want to be Dorian again, though.

Although... does anyone have a camera I can borrow? One where I can do manual length of exposure on it?

[Infirmary filter]

My vision was... strange in that port-event-thing. Whatever you call it.

There were things I knew were red, but I couldn't tell them apart from some things I knew weren't. Mostly things I think are usually green. It's back to normal now, but I'd like to know if anyone can explain that to me.

I imagine Jane might have experienced something similar. [but he's not talking to her, so doesn't know.]

[Private to Victor]

You were the... undertaker, right?

Are you alright?
needshumility: (where's my red carpet?)
THE ENQUIRER. FRIDAY MAY 20th! )

((ooc: Firstly, any inaccuracies/spelling mistakes/syntax errors/terrible grammar is IC and all Eddie's. Including his continual use of 'brutal', his use of words he probably really doesn't understand, and neither will anyone else, and his completely skewed reporting/throwing in opinions willy-nilly. The excuse for my British spelling is that he thinks it makes him sound clever. It doesn't. Oh, and his total failure to ask the important questions. Imagine there's other articles like these throughout his paper.

Also, I took the odd liberty here and there in writing stories, so if anything's not okay/needs changing, let me know and I can retcon.

Croquet, btw, is a canon reference AND the first article that came up when I googled something to put in the sports page. Yeah.

Also, if any Rumour Mill victims want to get back at Eddie, he's mysteriously missed out Miss Summers' craziness and asked her to have tea with him.))
needshumility: (red rum)
I was thinking about perhaps setting up some sort of social event for all you newcomers to the town. At least, all the welcome ones. I'm Eddie Russett, son of Holden Russett [who's crazy rich and lives somewhere that is not. here.], who I'm sure you've heard of.

I also run the paper - the Enquirer - here. Single handedly. [when he says paper. It's a weekly sheet of paper with bits of information on it. Clumsily printed and occasionally misspelt]

If there's anyone with a story to tell, contact me and we can have a chat about making your story come to life. Questions you want answering or asking? I'm your man.

I don't suppose we have any photographers amongst our newest residents, do we?

[Private message to the Mayor]

Mayor Narvin, is it possible to get an interview with you at some point tomorrow? For the paper? Mostly on the subject of the railroad, as I'm sure you can understand the interest in such a thing.

[He also intends to bug you about bandits, but still.]

[Private message to the Marshals]

I've seen all your posters up around town, sirs, and I was wondering if it was possible to ask you a few questions about the man you're looking for. For the paper, you see. The more information out there, the less worry, as I'm sure you're aware.

[Private message to the Sheriff's office (so deputies too)]

Could I borrow one of your gentlemen for a few minutes or so, for a few moments' interview, nothin' more?

Failing that, could I possibly acquire a formal statement on the subject of the rumours of outlaws outside of town? Has anyone been hurt yet? Is it something you're worried about?

((ooc: last minute change from the plotting post. Eddie is now a bumbling, naive rich kid playing at journalism. And he always, always asks too many questions. Feel free to want to have him bumped off/turn down his requests for interviews.

Also, he's conventional colour blind, but he tries to keep it a secret.))
needshumility: (where's my red carpet?)
[This is pushed under everyone's door EXCEPT infirmary doctors and Snape. As he is harbouring a fugitive an infirmary doctor.]

This questionnaire is designed to research into the causes of so called 'Barge Comas' by collecting information and using it to either eliminate certain theories, or to find a pattern within the information provided. Nobody is obliged to respond to this questionnaire, or respond to all of the questions, but the more answers provided, the more we can potentially find out.

Please return completed questionnaires in the sealed envelope provided to my room, 8/4, and direct any questions to me - Eddie Russett - in a private message. Your cooperation is much appreciated.

As these questions are of a private nature, I can assure you the documents will be kept in the most secure place I have at my disposal, and all questionnaires remain anonymous and confidential.


An Eddie Approved Questionnaire. )

[Private to Jane]

I am never reading so many beiging medical texts and the dictionary can go to magnolia for all I care.

So many obsolete words, Jane. Ugh.

((ooc: Eddie... is a bit of a bureaucrat at heart. And is a touch naive and thinks people won't take the piss. I encourage people to do so, whole heartedly. :D. Also, he WOULD have sent this to the coma-investigation team first... but I've only got one day off in which to write it, so can we assume he did? pleeeeeeeeeease?

Also, Eddie has deliberately missed out the infirmary. He has conspiracy theories. Feel free to sell him out to them, though.))
needshumility: (in cold oxblood)
If you met my dad?

I've got nothing to apologise for, or be angry about, or curse his name for. I just hope you liked him. He's a good Swatchman.

[Warden filter, minus infirmary staff, and Narvin.]

A certain... recent incidents have made me wonder something.

Does anyone come from a world where it's acceptable to kill others if they're going to die a potentially long, drawn out, horrific death? By which I mean kill using medicinal means, with given permission and consent. Not just... using a instant-kill-gun and shooting them.

Also, I will consider anyone who informs my inmate that I asked this question as officially undermining my position.

On another note, does anyone have an inmate who's left and then returned?

[Private to Jane]

Do not mention the Green Room. Especially to Victor.

Also, Scarlet Pimpernel?

[Private to Victor]

Alright. Let's discuss Rex.

[Private to Rex]

Would you mind if I asked you a few questions about Victor?

[Coma-investigation Filter]

I'm working on a questionnaire right now. I'll have something ready very soon. Looks like we need it.
needshumility: (dad - this is awkward)
This is a curious little thing, isn't it? A curious place...

I'm Holden Russett, GoC, senior monitor. What's my Eddie doing here?

But whilst I am, are there any other Swatchmen [quick check of Eddie's notes] um, doctors, here? I might as well help out whilst I'm here.

[awkward pause] This is temporary, isn't it?
needshumility: (sorry what?)
Alright, I think... question club needs to happen.

So consider this post an open place to ask questions about the Barge, and to provide answers if you know them - or to discuss ways of finding out the answer. Anyone's welcome, as are any questions.

[Private to Bertie]

What instrument do you play?


[Private to Sherlock]

Mr Holmes, may I ask if you can make a request for the art room?

At home, we can paint in full colour without seeing them by using numbered codes.

Would it be possible to get these numbered codes put on the paints provided in the art room?

[Filtered to Jane, Chromie and Ariadne]

I was thinking of working out a standard series of questions for people who've just woken up from comas. To help us try and find patterns - it's easier if we ask for the same information from everyone.

Any suggestions as to the questions?

[Private to Jane]

I've got a book for this week. Ovaltine and the radiators tonight?
needshumility: (go on)
So... that was a flood.

It all seemed so harmless at first, but it quickly went downhill, didn't it?

I've got a question for you, actually. [Eddie disappears off screen, and comes back with a little piece of card, then holds it up to the camera. The card is a square of orange, much like a paint sample swatch,]

Is this, 37-87-97, the colour of a carrot? Or pumpkin, or apricot? Is it about right?

[Friend filter - Bertie, the Doctor, anyone else he's said 'friend?' to. This is probably the same people as before.]

There was talk a bit back about cricket. I don't suppose anyone's interested in a game still?

[Private to Jane]

I'm so, so sorry I didn't come and get you. I... I didn't think anything I could do would work, and he was trying to lure hero-types out, and I'm beigeing well not a hero-type, but I couldn't come up with a plan that worked so...

Yes. Sorry. Are you hurt?

[pause, he knows how she's going to answer whether she is or not,]

I'll come down. I wanted to talk to you anyway.

[Private to Victor]

Right. I've got something for you to do. Do it, and properly, and I'll give you twenty merits.
needshumility: (get the red tape)
[The camera flicks on. There's a bright red flower on screen. Then, as he moves the camera away, you get a shot of some boots, white socks, khaki shorts, then, eventually, his face.]

There's some brilliant flowers around here. So many different shades of red. They're quite wonderful, don't you think?

[He points the camera at another flower, this time up a tree] Have you seen this one?

This is fascinating.

[pause]

I hope there's no yaetevos. They can be very dangerous. [Camera's back on him. There's a pointed look for someone out there. Then it jolts a little as Eddie jumps up, and then whispers to the camera.]

Something moved. I'm going to see if it's got a barcode.

[feed ends. He's gone to check out a scorpion's barcode. This will end badly.]

[Private to Jane - much, much later. voice.]

Jane. Jane! [he sounds completely terrified] Help, Jane. [the following comes out all in one, long, panicky breath]

I was doing alright but it's dark Jane it's dark and Victor made a fire which is alright I guess but it's still pretty dark out there and I can't see anything and I know there's stuff out there poisonous stuff and dangerous stuff and I don't want to be nightloss Jane I just don't please help Jane something's going to eat me or someone's going to kill me with a daylighter or something terrible will happen and I won't make it back and I don't want to die out here I just don't.

[pause, deep breath,]

Why can't the sun come up?

((ooc: feel free to spam him anywhere you like. He'll mainly be adventuring in the daytime.))
needshumility: (dead eyes)
I was wondering. Everyone seems to have a lot of questions and concerns with this place, and I think it's brilliant that... we ask them and look into them. But I was wondering if we could perhaps coordinate this in some way. At home, I suggested a Question Club. Where anyone could come along and ask questions.

Maybe we could benefit from something similar - inmates could have a proper opportunity to ask questions about the wardens, and we could all have chance to air any concerns about the general nature of the Barge. If we kept a note of all the questions, and the answers given, it could help new people when they arrive. We could also try and look into answers we don't know.

Would anyone else be interested in that?

[Warden filter]

[awkward cough]

Um, right. Looks like Doctor Frankenstein has been here quite a while, so I imagine things aren't quite how they were when this file was first written. The last gentleman left some notes, which are most helpful, but...

Well, could I have a word with the wardens of one... Doctor Rex Lewis, and one Miss Amanda Young? There seems to have been some past... difficulty.

Anyone else who knows of any incidents of note with Doctor Frankenstein: I'd like to hear from you too.

I would also like to know who has been giving him technology to disassemble, as he requested.

[Private to Victor]

Well, hello there. I'm Eddie Russett, as you already knew, but you can just call me Eddie, if you like. Can I call you Victor, or would you prefer Doctor Frankenstein?

I've got some things for you, and I'll come down to give them to you and we can talk. If you don't want me to come to your room, we can meet in a common room.

Also, I don't care if you don't want me. You've got me. I might not be the last man you had, but I'm determined to do this properly, fairly and correctly.

[Private to Jane]

So. Danny and Victor.

We won't taupe this up, will we?
needshumility: (go on)
I have a slight question. Do we know if any of the people who could read our posts yesterday can read them now, but just can't reply?

What, exactly, can we guarantee about the privacy of these conversations?

[Warden filter minus the Infirmary staff.]

I was curious about this 'coma' phenomenon, and how it comes about. Who has suffered one, and how long do they usually last?

Would it be plausible to look further into the causes of these comas?

[Private to the Admiral, visible to Jane]

I want to re-arrange my deal. I want Dorian and Imogen Fandango to avoid Reboot. Give them opportunity to escape, somewhere else to go.

[Filtered to Sveta and Martha]

I know, essentially, your medicines are alien to me, but I would like to learn more about your medicines, and I'd like to help where ever I can. If this would be possible, I'd appreciate it.

On that note, I'd like to point out that I'm prepared to administer drugs I know will work to both myself and Jane. I've discussed this with her already, and acquired the swatches I need.

[Private to Holmes.]

Do you happen to have any sheet music from your world?

I'm wondering if there's anything I haven't played before. I've got a good collection of Handel and Vivaldi as it is, but I'd like to try something different.

[Private to Jane]

Do you know morse code?

Also, what's your instrument?
needshumility: (in cold oxblood)
Brunswick.

Did you eat all the bacon?

[He's noticed other folks. Here comes cagy Eddie. There is no bacon-shortage, he just wants to talk to her.]

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